Queer desire: ditch the scripts, keep the pleasure

Most of us grow up with scripts: who initiates, who “leads”, what is supposed to be exciting, what is supposed to count. For queer, trans, non-binary people, or anyone living outside the norm, those scripts often don’t fit. And that can be a gift. Because instead of performing a role, you get to build something that actually matches your body and your desires. Back to sensation, clear consent, and what genuinely turns you on. The first real luxury is language. Saying what you like, what you don’t want, what you’re curious about, and what is non-negotiable. It can be simple: “slower”, “more pressure”, “there”, “not like that”, “pause”. Communication doesn’t kill desire, it makes it safer and often stronger. And when there are questions around the body, dysphoria, boundaries or sensitive areas, language becomes a form of care. The second luxury is dropping the hierarchy of practices. There’s no “real sex” on one side and “foreplay” on the other. There’s what excites, what connects, what relaxes, what builds, what makes you come, what feels good. For some, pleasure is external stimulation, vibration, pressure, friction, rhythm. For others, it’s penetration, intensity, roleplay, surrender. The point isn’t the norm. The point is the sensation. When it comes to products, the goal isn’t to buy something “LGBTQ+”. It’s to choose what fits your body and your practices. A good lubricant can change everything, especially for comfort and duration. Stimulators and vibrators are powerful because they don’t require a script: direct sensation you can adjust and share. Harnesses and accessories can open new gestures, as long as they fit well and feel right. And books can ignite desire without feeling watched: you choose the images, the pace, the intensity. Finally, a simple truth: pleasure doesn’t need to justify itself. It can be soft, funny, intense, romantic, raw, changing. It can evolve with time, partners, mood. What matters is feeling free and respected, and having tools that keep desire alive.